A satirical look at the OFFICE-ROXX survey by Maria Lehmen

The fifth edition of the ‘Great Office Climate’ survey shows that the average office climate in Germany remains a fragile balance between electric blankets and fans. Although there has been slight progress – the average score has risen to 2.8 – the long-awaited breakthrough in terms of comfortable air quality is still a long way off.

As every year, dry eyes top the list of complaints (43%), followed by headaches (28%) and concentration problems (25%). Only 12% say they experience no symptoms at all – a medical miracle or simply denial. The fact that these figures have remained virtually constant for years speaks either for astonishing perseverance or collective resignation.

The climatic conditions are also reminiscent of a visit to a spa with a weather lottery: 43% find it too warm, 30% too cold, 52% complain about the air being too dry, and 25% about it being too humid. Almost half complain about a lack of fresh air, while 29% complain about draughts – sometimes at the same time. Anyone who doesn’t come to work with their own weather station is out of luck.

There is at least a slight upturn in CO₂ monitoring: 21% now actively measure air quality. The rest continue to rely on feelings, hope or their colleagues’ coughing. Almost half of companies still do without measuring devices – trust is good, oxygen would be better.

Even the last remnants of nature in the office are slowly being removed: for the first time, workplaces without real plants are in the majority. Artificial plants are celebrating their triumph – after all, they don’t wilt, don’t need water and can’t die even in a poor climate. Employees can then take over.

Willingness to invest in better indoor air is declining. Only 18% of companies are willing to spend any money at all. The majority probably hope that poor air quality will not affect their balance sheets. The few who do invest are cautious, spending less than £1,000 in most cases – presumably on touchscreen CO₂ measuring devices or air purifiers that also play music.

The bottom line is that the office climate remains somewhere between ‘okay’ and ‘makes you ill’. Symptoms, air problems and lack of investment are a permanent state of affairs. We are still a long way from a truly great office climate.

With this in mind: take a deep breath – if possible.