When smartphones alienate us from each other – How phubbing strains relationships
Hardly anything has changed our everyday lives as much as the smartphone. It is our constant companion – whether on the underground, in the waiting room or on the way to work. Quickly replying to a message, checking emails, scrolling through social media – we are used to filling our free time with these activities. But what happens when looking at our mobile phones becomes more important than looking at the faces of those around us?
This behaviour, which has now become the norm, has a name: phubbing. And it is much more than a harmless quirk – it can seriously jeopardise our relationships.
What exactly is phubbing?
The term ‘phubbing’ is a portmanteau of “phone” and ‘snubbing’ (to brusquely dismiss or ignore someone). It describes the situation in which someone uses their smartphone during a conversation or shared activity, thereby disregarding the person they are with.
According to a study by Ludwig Maximilian University in Munich, phubbing is now a widespread phenomenon: it occurred at least once in 90% of the social interactions observed. This means that in almost every interpersonal encounter, at least one person reaches for their mobile phone – often unconsciously, but with noticeable consequences.
Phubbing – a silent relationship killer
What seems trivial at first glance has profound effects. Anyone who reaches for their smartphone during a conversation sends a clear – albeit usually unintentional – message: ‘What’s happening on my screen is more important than you right now.’ This constant distraction can weaken relationships, undermine trust and destroy intimacy.
Whether in partnerships, friendships or families, phubbing creates distance. Conversations remain superficial or are interrupted altogether. It is particularly problematic in parenting. Children who frequently see their parents looking at their mobile phones while eating or playing together feel neglected – with long-term consequences for attachment, trust and self-esteem.
A longitudinal study by the German Centre for Addiction Issues in Childhood and Adolescence reveals alarming figures: over a third of the children surveyed and almost 30% of parents feel ignored at least some of the time by the other person’s smartphone use. Children who regularly experience phubbing report loneliness, stress and anxiety more frequently.
Am I a phubber myself?
You may now be asking yourself: Am I one of those people? A few simple questions can help you better understand your own behaviour:
- Do I frequently look at my smartphone while talking to others?
- Do I become impatient when the person I am talking to expects my full attention?
- Do I feel nervous or uncomfortable when I don’t have my mobile phone within reach?
If you answered ‘yes’ several times, it is worth taking a conscious look at your own mobile phone use. After all, nobody is perfect – and phubbing often happens automatically. But if you become aware of your habits, you can change them.
What we can do – conscious use instead of constant distraction
Smartphones have become an integral part of our lives. So it’s not about demonising them – it’s about giving them the right place. Small changes in everyday life can make a big difference:
- Consciously put your mobile phone aside during conversations or meals.
- Activate flight mode when you are spending time with others.
- Agree on mobile-free times – for example, in the evening or at weekends.
- Also pay attention to how you deal with phubbing experiences yourself – and address it in a friendly manner if you feel ignored.
Phubbing is a silent but widespread phenomenon. It insidiously undermines our relationships – in partnerships, families and friendships. Those who question themselves and look up more often instead of staring at their screens can strengthen genuine interpersonal contact. It costs nothing – except attention.
